Hidden in Plain Sight: Connecting Purim to Parenting
by Deena Shahrooz, TCEE’s Early Childhood Mental Health Consultant
Today we celebrate the holiday of Purim, where we rejoice about the salvation of the Jews in ancient Persia. The king’s evil minister, Haman, persuaded King Ahashverosh to put out a decree to kill all the Jews in Persia, but Queen Esther appealed to the king, revealing her Jewish heritage and convincing him to repeal the edict and save the community. (When we tell the story to the children, we don't use the word "kill" but rather talk about how Haman was unkind and unfair to the Jewish people, which often leads to discussions in our older classes about kindness and equitable treatment for all people, regardless of differences of background or religion.)
One of the central themes of Purim is the idea that things are hidden in plain sight; in addition to Esther hiding her identity, the presence of God or any divine intervention is hidden. The book of Esther is the only one in the Torah where there is no mention of God. Biblical commentators have many opinions on how, why, and where we see the hand of God in the story, challenging readers to look at the events from a different perspective and find coincidences and themes that have more meaning than at first glance. This change of perspective, the ability to step back and look at events from a different angle, is also important in parenting.
Circle of Security, an attachment-based parenting program, teaches us that our children’s behavior is their way of communicating their needs. When we make an effort to see their behavior as communication and not ‘acting up’, we can ‘hear’ what they are telling us. A child who feels heard and understood by their caregiver is more likely to have a strong attachment and have the skills to cope better with life now and as they grow. The challenge we have as parents is to take that extra minute and look at what our child is telling us, to use their behavior as a cue for what they need. To find out more about Circle of Security parenting, or to reach out with other parenting questions or concerns, email me anytime: Dshahrooz@ohabei.org